Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
