Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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