Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
