Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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