If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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