My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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