i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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