Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
