Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
