capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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