New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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