SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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