Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
