He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
