i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
