How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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