The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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