You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
