hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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