You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He kissed a someone with a penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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