I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
