So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
