The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
