Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there was a trapeze. enough said
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They have beer where we have blood.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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