My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
