Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
