Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
