Jerry, you need to find god
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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