Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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