I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
