I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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