I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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