i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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