If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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