Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
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The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let's get the cat blown out
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I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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