No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
