It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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