who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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