well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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