Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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