i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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