I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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