You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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