1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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