guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
