Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
