Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
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