capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need water and some morals
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
