great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
