Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
