guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am available for nakedness
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
