my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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