p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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