I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
