Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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