i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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