In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize