just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
