"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
