So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
