I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I intend to get homeless drunk
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
