she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
