so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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