if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to make out with him forever
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
