dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
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I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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