He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
