I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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