: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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