He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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