quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my shit smells like andre
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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